I guess it's self-explanatory what Shirin is going on about in this last quotation. Basically she is very proud of Islamic wisdom and she is applying this to her life. I asked her what she thought was the most attractive aspect of her future husband. She said:
Like, you know, he's into Islam and he tries to emulate the prophet and the characteristics of the prophet. Prophet Muhammad had perfect good character, the way he treated his wives. He never shouted at them, he never abused them or hit them, or even neglected them, he would always make time for them as well, as he was very loving and funny, you know, with his wives as well. I think, unfortunately there's a lot of that's missing from many marriages today, in Bangladeshi marriages. I just admire anyone who tries to emulate the Prophet, I really love that.
And so interestingly as you can see she is not talking about her future husband's looks, she is not talking about money or his job. She was talking about the Prophet's character that her future husband was following, but also we should note that she was not only interested in the straightforward goodness in the Prophet that she was interested in, the Prophet was also loving and funny, he had time for his wives. These are the very characters the modern-day husbands and wives want in each other, that she was also looking for. I have other interviews with her when it was clear that these were the characteristics that she was after, not only straightforward 'good husband'.
I found what she had to say about the Western concept of love interesting and soignificant as well:
In terms of the Western concept of what is love, I mean the version I get is like the movie style, you know, that just does not exist. I don't believe in this, oh, there's a perfect soul mate, that one person. I don't believe that; I think that's rubbish, personally. I think there's so many people, there has to be more than one for you. . . I think people get lust and love mixed up a lot. I think that kind of love, that lust-love, you cannot maintain that all the time; that's just impossible.
Note that Shirin was not simply saying thatwestern love is about lust, or that lust was not good or important in love. She was not saying either that there should not be lust in marriage, in Islamic marriage. What she was saying was that you can't maintain that lust-love, that attraction for your husband or wife, unless it was within the framework of Islam, if you go only in the western style, it cannot be sustained. Here is a little more from Shirin on the subject of love:
Love is important, definitely. I know many people argue what, you know, there is still really no definition of what love is; but to me it means mercy and kindness, and in the Qur'an it encourages you to be merciful and kind to each other. For me that's what love is . . . Interestingly, the Qur'an actually addresses the men more, in terms of, to be kind and merciful to their wives, especially kind. That's their right, the women's right over their husband is that they be kind to them, and it's mentioned quite a few times in the Qur'an, and also in the Hadith.
And I have to add here that many of my female interviewees talked about this question of male authority in marriage, and Shirin's comments are typical of what they tended to say: Ye,s Islam gives authority to men within the family, but that authority cannot be abused. A husband cannot expect his wife to do anti-Islamic things. If he asks her to, she does not have to obey. And so, if a husband does the right thing, if he is kind and gentle and merciful, there is no problem for the wife. There is nothing wrong with having a leader who is a good practicing Muslim and also follows the Prophet if you like. So, that was Shirin's way of looking at the question of love in Islamic marriage.